Legality vs Stupidity

Perusing the interwebs post-adobe flash update is essentially documentary central for me. The weirder and more niche the better. 9/11 conspiracy theories? Tell me the untold story. “I live as a dog” – I salivate with anticipation. So when I come across a program described as containing scenes of homeless people high on bath salts. Well that sounds like my jam. As it happens a lot was gleaned from this doc. Namely that there are some really dark sides to Wolverhampton.

Fear not – this won’t be a review of Drugs Map of Britain. I just think that it is something we sadly neglect to discuss. Legal highs are a dangerous subgenre of addiction that is frequently ignored or deemed as less dangerous somehow. Truth is, the law just hasn’t gotten round to writing up the fine print that outlaw these synthetic versions of hardcore drugs. But no more – and that’s my point. At midnight on the 26th May 2016 (roughly the time I’m writing this, judge not) new laws come into effect banning many of these substances. I am slightly amused to picture all the previously-legal high junkies showing up to buy in bulk poppers and “black mamba” and such like, stocking up before they’re taken off the shelves for good.

But how does this apply to you? Hopefully it doesn’t. Considering the current demographic you’re likely not the person to screech “ket me up before you gogo” unless it is with great irony. The thing to be scared of is that these types of unhealthy pursuits come in waves. They move with the fashions. Before a few years ago no one knew of molly except as a beloved baby name. And people change too – values shift as one goes through phases. Miley is my prime example *shudder*.

As you can imagine – the risks of these substances are pretty obvious but I don’t want to feel like your edgy school councillor who so desperately wants to be relatable. As aforementioned in my intro post I’m a little to unusual to hope for that. But according to FRANK who it transpires is not a person but more of a concept (gasp from the deep philosophical community) and he/she/it/PC pronoun says “they can affect your central nervous system, and lead to seizures, fast heart rates, high blood pressre, sweating, increased body temperature, being agitated and being combative (ready to fight)”. They’re basically just all round naff and the general message is loud and clear – hoe don’t do it. Though I’m sure you’re very classy.

Enjoy your newly legal high drug free world, my darlings. But I assure you it won’t be long until the new phase rolls along. Let’s just pray it isn’t completely heinous like high from hand sanitiser or school’s pva glue. Wait… what do you mean those are both examples of what people have claimed to be high on in the past? Oh give me strength. I shouldn’t be giving you guys ideas like this.

-N

Phase

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