Well I was so wrong. I don’t think I’ve been more wrong since the time I thought a JLS concert sounded like a fun way to spend an evening. Eurovision this year was historic, momentous and a bit dull.
Everyone mistook it for a singing contest this time. The exception being maybe Germany (pictured) who mistook it for a manga loving environmentalist’s wet dream.
So it seems background graphics and sweet dance moves are not the way to go after this seismic shift. And we thought we had Eurovision techniques down! Yes, contrasting to the fun and upbeat Eurovision we all know and are made a little uncomfortable by, this year a political song actually won. A few world peace tunes were thrown out and satirised by “peace peace love love” which was a perfect moment for me and a depressing one for all the previous years’ acts whose names you cant remember. The winning song (Jamala’s 1944 representing Ukraine) wasn’t just a touch political, it was about ETHNIC CLEANSING. How further from Eurovision can you get?
As suspected, Britain did appallingly. We didn’t even do well with Australia, and our queen is on their money. But undoubtably the most heinous of all was Germany as aforementioned with the crazed headdress. Consider my retinas firmly burned away.
But the biggest crime of all was the lack of sing-along. I battled through it with poor wifi and GPRS (whatever that is) and got the lyrics online but it was a pale imitation of the bars on the bottom of the screen that I’m used to.
The whole event was only saved by a spectacular Eurovision party I attended, equipped with Ice lollies and Kopperburg. Alcohol numbs the pain, as they say.
Time to abandon the Eurovision ship for another year,